Let's talk about motivation. Again.
First, I'm afraid I am going to lose the factor that motivates me now. Seriously scared, really. So, I am motivated to fight for the motivation to stay with me, no matter what (as long as my actions don't hurt anyone).
Second, the motivation makes I change, I seek for being altered, becoming better person... I see things I didn't want to see before. I am much more brave and determined.
Third, I am quite convinced that I have no much choice when it comes about things that motivate me during my life. They come directly from the biggest scars in my heart, and I cannot either ignore or erase them. They define me, they are part of my personality, and, by declining them, I would decline myself (which is nothing but base for auto-agressive diseases, both mental and somatic and who wants to be sick?).
Fourth, I need to be prepared for ultimate lost of the motivation, for the big break when I inevitably will break... down. But, you know, life goes on etc., etc. Yeah... We'll see.
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