There are two big couches in one of my favorite cafes in Warsaw. One is situated against the other, so if you will come with more people you can spend nice moments there at coffee, cake or sandwiches. But on last Sunday, there was a middle-aged couple sitting on one couch, and a young mom with a very little toddler sitting on the other couch. The couple was reading magazine and surfing in the internet but, as soon as the little boy woke up and started spreading his charm around himself, the woman jumped up from her place, and demanded changing the spot. The man, her husband I guess, looked confused, for he didn't understand why they would do so, since the couch was so nice and comfortable.
"It's too hot in this sun" - she replied and grabbed all her belongings.
No, it wasn't too hot because of the sun. One glimpse on her face let me recognise the problem. She couldn't stand the view of the child. She couldn't stand the fact that someone has something she doesn't have...
Oh, I know the feeling!
We very often think and feel that we are not loved when we don't have the things we crave the most for. We are hurt to the bone. We suffer excruciating pain... For "being-not-loved" is the worst thing that can happen to us...
Yes, as long as we are children of stupid parents who don't understand that being a parent (or a carer responsible for other life) means constant giving without guarantee of receiving anything back. The "goods" children want are, in most cases, something they need, hence they crave for love:
closeness,
presence,
conversation,
acceptance,
even if what they feel or do seems inappropriate.
If they don't get it, they are hurt and suffer an excruciating pain... Then, as grown up persons, they cannot stand when they don't receive what they want, and their pain is real and unbearable. And there is no understanding for what they feel. They are sometimes diagnosed as narcissistic personalities, they are bitter and depressed.
The worst side effect of being deprived of parents' love is lack of an ability to differ what we NEED from what we WANT.
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