Wednesday 31 May 2023

The Russian Doll

It's trauma in trauma in another trauma that is hidden in yet another trauma. Getting the first wound or the root cause of your deplorable emotional state reminds you of excavating works ripping off layer after layer. 

The biggest problem is that you must include all these layers and address each one. 

I know everything started with the unsuccessful abortion my non-mother tried to execute on me. I survived it just as I survived a very traumatic birth and her post-partum craziness. However, this knowledge does not let me omit the following ordeal I was subjected to. Every part must be unpacked and treated as if I was taking care of the Russian doll containing many more miniature dolls. I only need to embrace the fact that all of them are broken. 

My current existence is far from imperfect, but my broken Russian dolls make it unbearable as they keep me frozen in the past. The paradox is the better the life, the stronger the trauma affects it. Why? Because my internal self knows this is the safe place and time to start healing.

A Good Life

As I wrote once, life becomes a big project of coping with daily-basis problems if you have mental health issues. It's not easy, for it ...