Tuesday 17 April 2018

F***ing Wrong

So... I am sick. Like... for real. I have been trying to avoid the topic for some time, but you simply cannot omit such thing as your failing body. Though, you try... Especially when you know that the disease will continue taking off your strength and many abilities, and you will never ever be healthy. I feel like I'm losing control and like I am guilty of the situation. 

But there is something I cannot forget about: I have never ever been healthy in my life. I was born sick and the main problem was nobody wanted to treat me or even see the issue. Thus, admitting I am not OK may change a lot, for I can take care of myself now. At least, I can try. 

The second truth about my condition is that I had been sick less every time I was... "crazy". Now, I know that these were the moments when I was really me, but, for most people, I was insane. I heard, not once, that I am deluded because I am acting against a "normal" way of thinking, e.g. I am going to the big, strange city without money, a job and nothing else but the crazy idea that I must go to this city. Well, after ten years, I must say to those people (some of them are dead now): "you were f**ing wrong". 

I realized lately that I need a balance. My madness, disease and common sense must be always considered while making any decision. Because I was indeed deluded thinking that I'm not sick. This was insane and this must stop. And I would be a lunatic if I'd reject the power inside of me every time I am eager to do something really mad. 

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