Wednesday, 14 August 2019

Inadequacy and Unworthiness

I wrote:

As we can read in the blog of Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi (the Person whose work, along with late Alice Miller's books, saved my life):

"Many victims of narcissistic parents are haunted by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness as a result of innumerable verbal assaults on them as children and adults." LINK

Inadequacy and unworthiness! 

No person is born to have the feeling that he or she is unworthy or doesn't fit any place. This is not part of our 'source code'. Other people, we are dependent to, make us feel and think this way. And the parents who are NPDs know exactly how to set up our mindset since the cradle. 

Someone told me once that every mental illness is only a matter of the way we are thinking. I'd add that the matter of how we think about ourselves. People who acquired the ability to love themselves have small chances to get sick because they will be strong enough to survive even in the worst situations. For people like me, who were neglected in many aspects of life, even the small problems sometimes are an unbeatable mountain. 

Why? 

Imagine you are blaming yourself for absolutely everything. Life is harsh and there are more difficult situations than simple ones, but, no matter what is happening, you feel that this is your fault, that you could have foreseen it, know things beyond your knowledge... I feel like this, for my non-mother was constantly implying these lies. 
This was my fault a classmate was bullying me, 
this was my fault the bus came too late, 
this was my fault I was born, 
this was my fault she was depressed, etc. etc. 
These are exactly the circumstances as to when blaming rape victims for being raped - she must have done or said something that provoked the perpetrator, she had a short skirt, she was walking alone after dark... 

The wrong mindset that is imprinted in our brains and we cannot get rid of this just like that. For if you are guilty, if you KNOW that you are a bad person, then you feel unworthy of better treatment, you don't seek help, you think you deserved everything bad that happened to you, especially the way your vicious parent is treating you.

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