Wednesday, 20 November 2019

The mystery of the suicidal brain

You may have a narcissistic wound, yet you don't have to become a narc. But if you won't seek help, this wound will turn your life into the nightmare, and, eventually, it may lead you to suicidal death. This is what happened to me. Thank God, I didn't kill myself, and for the first time in my life, I don't want to die (since I was six to be exact), but I live with the trauma that paints my reality in very dark shades. 

Yes, I believe that narcs and suicides are two sides of the same coin. However, people with a narcissistic personality disorder willingly choose to hurt others to make their lives more bearable; they do not develop the conscience. They use their natural talents for immoral purposes. These talents are: creating a fake image and the ability to summon their own followers. 

Becoming a popular or even a famous person is the primary goal of every narc. That's why creating the image consumes the whole of their energy. Hurting or destroying other individuals don't bother them. They suppress every single remorse, and they do that until the conscience is silenced for good. 

People with suicidal thoughts want to be liked. It seems to be similar to narc's desire to become a famous person but make no mistake - they desperately want to please everyone but themselves, for they think that this is the only way to stop hating themselves. They, too, live in dependency mode, but fame and popularity are not what they are interested in. Those people, just like I did, think that they don't deserve to be treated well, and very often, they are children of narcissistic parents. 

I suppose I will never understand why persons with this kind of wound choose such different paths. I don't even know precisely why I became a suicide with mental health problems, not a narcissistic personality. Sometimes, this direction was very tempting and seemed to be easier to endure. Maybe it's because I have chosen God and His plan for my life, or perhaps there have been some other factors that prevailed. I really want to discover the truth. 

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