Thursday 21 January 2016

The Perks of Watching Funny Films

It is, undoubtedly, one of my favorite movies: "Death at a Funeral" from 2007, with Peter Dinklage. And it's not because I found the reason to laugh in every minute of this film, especially when the naked guy with ginger hair, stoned as herd of pigs, goes to the roof. The main reason I loved the title is because of one sentence, said by Martha, the fiance of the drugged fellow from the top of a mansion. And, what is quite odd, this is not funny scene, at all. There is a dialogue between her and a man who is convinced that they are meant to be together. But she, very clearly, explains that the only thing he cares about is the way she affects him, and this is something completely different than "taking care of someone"

Wow!!! That was really... new for me.

I wasn't loved by my mother, but there were some ways I could gain her attention, make her pleased or satisfied. Hence, I'd learned that I must affect people somehow, for being myself doesn't make them interested with me. I became an actress, a very good one. And this was my nature, not exactly secondary. I affected on people in many ways: by being a "court jester", helpless girl or in contrary - strong and independent woman. Whatever whoever needs. I was totally compelled to guess who I am supposed to be, especially for, so called, "important" persons at the current time. 
And, suddenly, I heard the sentence from one of the most funniest comedies I've seen. I stopped laughing...
I knew many men and women who were saying they love me (my mother's family is really big). I had bosses who thought they care of me. Not to mention, I've met my "Princes" who seemed to be "smitten" in my presence. Right...
All of them were only interested in how THEY feel with me and because of me. My mother not once were telling me: "Don't cry! When you cry, MY heart is bleeding". So, I stopped crying... in her presence, and she could claiming her child has no problems. 

I don't demand of people to take care of me, the actual me. I started demand it from myself. 

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