So Angry with These People

I wrote that 'escapism became my second nature'. The thing is I have been wrongly assuming that escapes are something bad; I even once met a psychiatrist (another moron) who assessed that this is a symptom of emotional issues... Maybe it is but it is also very important information - so crucial in the proper medical examination - saying that something bad happened in patient's life and that the patient will be 'telling' this story by escapes until he or she will have an opportunity to tell about it with words. 

I by definition escape from contact with people though I crave their presence in my life. Okay, I avoid very specific kind of people. And, every time they stand on my way, I am sick, and I want to run away. And I didn't know why. Of course, it's because they hurt me or are some other kind of threat. The threat that reminds me of something from the past. 

Unfortunately, the side effect of being raised by an emotionally unstable mother is being equipped with the feature I call 'excessive empathy'. I need only a few seconds to read another person's emotional state and not only this current one but a general mental situation. This is exhausting and causes that I can precisely predict future events with this very person (I think I described it quite well in 'Guide for [ultimate] Losers'). I am NEVER wrong, not in this case.

It is possible that I create the situations in which I can experience repressed emotions with these specific people. Maybe so... The problem is they are responding to me too because this is what their uniqueness is about - they also 'read' me and want to recreate certain situations from the past except they are not aware of that fact whatsoever. 

Right now, I am experiencing such a story once more. And I am sick of it. I am fed up with people who are like my parents especially in places I work in. And this is not the fear I am escaping from but rage, pure fury, and hate... 

I am angry with my parents because they didn't love me and didn't give me what they should have. I had two options: confrontation or escape. The second solution is better because there was no common space in them on which we could find understanding. I know that because I tried solution number one couple of times - with poor results for my health and wellbeing. I am angry with these 'certain people' because I know there is no this space in them either and because, in case of any difficult situation, they will blame me for everything... just like my parents did.