Tuesday 26 February 2019

Get Out of The Fog

The worst things I was afraid of happened to me. My biggest fears turned out to be the truth.

As a child, I was scared that my mother hates me, though she had been saying something else. And she proved my fears were real.

I was always afraid that I will grow up and my father won't show up, that he wouldn't want me. And it happened.

As a teenager, I was afraid of being mentally ill. I was begging God to take this misfortune from me. He didn't listen to my prayers.

I can list many more of my biggest fears that came true. In few words, my life is woven of anxiety and waiting for something bad that happens... 

But I have never ask myself one question: so what?

My parents are who they are and let them be (as long as they are far away from me). I defeated my illness. Luckily, I didn't kill myself and, only by some miracle, I didn't lose my Faith. 

And the most important thing - I am able to love particularly those who don't love me. 

So what?!

It never occurred to me that this situation doesn't bother me in fulfilling other tasks. It doesn't if I don't let it do so. 

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